Monday, June 21, 2010

The Gospel of Joseph Stalin, Episode 2: Parable of the fruits and the nuts

Secretary General and Loving Father Stalin, who only sends those who really need it to Siberia to be worked to death. Photo taken by CCCP, public domain for all good comrades. Here

"And when the Republican Candidate for Governor of California comes, on the second of November, carried on the backs of lobbyists and wearing a tacky turtleneck sweater, she will divide the Californians, and in her bowl will be the fruits, and in her mouth will be the nuts.

"And she shall sayeth to the fruits as they look on in their simply fabulous sunglasses while their gay partner holds their hand and massages their left shoulder, "curse you oh fruits, for I was hungry, and you cancelled my welfare checks, I was naked, and you let me escape prison for streaking, I was in the hospital, and you cut my Medicaid, I was in prison, and you caused the prison library to be sold to Half Price Books."

"But Meg Whitman, when did we do any of these things to you?"

"Assuredly I say to you, when you overspent at the ballot box, you did it to me."

"Then she shall sayeth to the nuts as they hold their combined King James Bible and AK-47 maintenance manual, "curse you oh nuts, for I was trying to break the strikes, and you stopped me, I was trying to lower taxes, and you increased them, I was trying to build a fence on the border, and you turned the ground in to quicksand."

"But Meg Whitman, when did we do any of these things to you?"

"Assuredly I say to you, when you made yourselves look ridiculous, you made me look ridiculous."

"And then everyone, including Meg Whitman, shall inherit a hell called modern day California. There shall be 20% unemployment rates and a considerable number of ruined political careers, and even the wild animals shall consider them an abhorrence and a disgrace."


nothingprofound said...

JJ-you shouldn't be too harsh on Papa Stalin. He was only doing it for their own good.

Jeremy Janson said...

Yeah I know that, you've even seen me defend his actions on BC sometimes. One of the reasons I will never be a Communist is because Communism can only work when people are subjected to the same degree of barbarism and fear that Uncle Joe subjected them to. Honestly, if Stalin had been born in the United States he probably would've been a conservative, and he's the only person who made Communism work, that should probably tell you something. I'm more making fun of political personality cults and the idea of any politician being your "father", be him Reagan, Hitler or Obama, as supposed to more correctly seeing him as a glorified town sheriff.

Thanks for speaking up when you felt something was amiss.

askcherlock said...

This is a brilliant post! I wish I had something pithy to add, but this is a great stand-alone. I think I'll print it and hang it in my office!

Jeremy Janson said...

I'm so happy! :-)