Barbara Boxers Top Ten Countdown

There are certain kinds of people in this world who just bring something special in to your life. People who dance, people who sing, people who love you and people who say they love you to sexually exploit you and drink your blood as you realize you've been betrayed and are now food for an undead fantasy creature, and then there's Senator Barbara Boxer. Without her, who would make the Senate exciting? Who would make it interesting? Who would make us laugh and cry at the same time? Let us celebrate the 10 greatest moments of Barbara Boxers California Dream.

10. Argumentus Ad Hominim Maximus after (mostly) serious questioning by a very angry Midwesterner:



9. Ask the President what her job is:



8. Keep the bleat of the news:



7. WRITE A NOVEL! (No, this is not satire.)



6. Be the fashion police and whine at the same time:



5. Make a cheesy, melodramatic speech in front of a polar bear picture:



4. Compare Abortion to Male Reproductive Health:



3.Watch Senator Boxer talk down to an American Military Officer:



2.Then refuse to apologize for it! (I apologize for the added captions - I couldn't find a pure unadultered version of this particular video.)



1.And just when you thought absolutely nothing could beat what you saw, have we got a surprise for you!

The official photo of my favorite senator. Public Domain.

Update 11/4/2010: For those of you who haven't heard, our favorite senator from the land of fruits and nuts will be around to entertain us a little while longer. Maybe she'll write another novel this time.

Public Domain from the Open Clipart Library

The Gospel of Joseph Stalin, Episode 3: Parable of the Talented Manipulators

Secretary General and Loving Father Stalin, who only sends those who really need it to Siberia to be worked to death. Photo taken by CCCP, public domain for all good comrades. Here

"The federal system is like a slightly violent and paranoid man who travelled to a far away arab nation in need of asskicking, leaving all his various powers to take your money to three servants, assigning it based upon their ability, with the instruction to generate more.

"To Obama he left 10 special interest groups,

"To Reidosi he left 5 special interest groups,

"To Bush, he left only one, the Christian Right.

"Obama came up with 10 more special interest groups, Pelosi used her 5 to get 5 more, but Bush took his and refused to look in to television cameras.

"When the federal system came back, he saw that Obama had generated so much special interest and said, 'Well done my faithful servant, I'm giving you the White House.'

"When he saw how much Reidosi had interested, he said, 'Well done my faithful servant, I'm giving you the Congress.'

"But Bush came to him and said, 'I was afraid, for I knew you were a hard man who reap where other people sow, thus I buried my speical interest group in the ground. Here, take what is yours!'

"But he said, "So you knew I was a hard man who reaps where other people sow! Therefore, you should've used the IRS to pay for other peoples earmarks!"

"'But I did do that!'

"'No you didn't damn it! Everyone loves earmarks!'

"'I honestly did do that! Haven't you talked the budget office lately? Look at how high the debt is! Aren't you proud of me?'

"'NO! I'm never proud of failures! And besides, what kind of idiot uses OTHER PEOPLES interest groups to advance himself?'

"And then they took the worthless servant, and cut him in two, and there was much rejoicing.

"Assuredly, I say unto you, whoever has much in this year will have much in the election to come, and to him who has little, even what he has will be taken away!"

The Gospel of Joseph Stalin, Episode 1: Lazarus and Obama

Secretary General and Loving Father Stalin, who only sends those who really need it to Siberia to be worked to death. Photo taken by CCCP, public domain for all good comrades. Here

"There was once a very succesful politician who feasted sumptuously on the contributions of political lobbyists everyday. Outside his door was a politically hated Leper named the Republican Party. The Leper was very sick, and had nothing to eat in years since he was deemed unclean by the entire population of the world 4 years ago.

"Everyday he waited outside of the succesful politicians doors, asking only for the scraps given to the Europeans and Iranians. Worse, the Europeans and Iranians, after eating said scraps, licked his sores and called him a nitwit. Later that year, he caught a terrible case of Teaitis, and passed away. Teaitis is contagious, and so the succesful politician caught it too, along with a bunch of Illegal Immigrants in Arizona, and was laid to rest in a healthcare plan.

"The Leper was carried to the bosom of Sarah Palin, to a supremely comfortable midterm election with lots of lobbyists to provide them with everything they want, even Learjets! Meanwhile, the succesful poltician was burned over and over again in Political Hell by his own Death Panels. He cried out "Mother Palin, have mercy on me! Come send the Lazarus person with a large batch of Earl Grey to put out these flames all over me and make me think I still have Arugula money!"

"But Mother Palin replied, "Son, you had nothing but good things a couple Novembers ago, while he had nothing but bad, but beyond that, we would love to help you Dem man, but a great Gulf of Mexico has been fixed between us, so that anyone who goes there is considered an asshole, and anyone who comes here is considered a paranoid freak who most assuredly is far too paranoid and radical to do anything irresponsible with free money, I mean, campaign funds."

A Very Special Conversation

Image by Andrew Braithwaite, license cca 2.0 generic

This is a conversation I've been tracking from the Politico community and one other source:

Obama [1]: "On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn-out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the fainthearted -- for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things -- some celebrated, but more often men and women obscure in their labor -- who have carried us up the long, rugged path toward prosperity and freedom."

Then Dodd talks about his "long, rugged path":

Senator Dodd [2]: "My patience is running out, I’ve extended the hand. I’ve written provisions in this bill to accommodate various interests. But I’m not going to continue doing this if all I’m getting the other side is a suggestion somehow that this is a partisan effort." (para. 2)

[They are spreading] "outright falsehoods” [which are] “now being repeated by people who should know better and frankly do know better." (para. 3 end)


Then these comments come flying at Dodd, and at the commenters:

Commenter 1: "Democrats...THE PARTY OF NO." [3]

Commenter 2: "Why not cut them out of the loop entirely on all issues? Their stated intransigence is equalled only by their political ignorance in condemning themselves to a long spell of superminority irrelevance."

Commenter 3: "The American people are sick and tired of the GOP's refusal to GET TO WORK."

Commenter 4: "Dodd is both a crook, and in charge of this bill."

Commenter 5: "D-day (roasted rats) is coming at a poll near you 11/7 !"

Commenter 6: "The Republican Party is not interested in governing unless it calls the shots."

Commenter 7: "How can anyone take the GOP seriously when all they're doing is trying to block reform be rehashing the same stale GOP talking points they used with health care?"

Commenter 8: "SORRY, THE PARTY OF NO LABEL BELONGS TO REPUBLICANS SOLELY!

NO TO AMERICANS BENEFITS

NO TO HEALTH CARE REFORM

NO TO BANKING REFORM"

//Caps make the world a better place.>>

Commenter 9: "REALITY BE DAMNED!"

Commenter 10: "These people aren't interested in facts, WWE. They lie, even to themselves. To recognize what Republicans are doing woudl be, for the Republican minions, the same as recognizing their own gullibility and stupidity. They MUST ignore the facts. If they didn't, they'd lose whatever little self-esttem they have left after lifetimes of being left behind and walked over and ignored because they are too stupid to understand the world."

Okay, this isn't the entire discussion, but you get the idea.


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Footnotes:

Feel free to question the use of any source or context of any quote from source:

[1] Obama Inaugural Speech, paragraphs 7-9, source: CNN.com; http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/01/20/obama.politics/index.html

[2] Carrie Burdoff Brown, "Chris Dodd threatens to cut GOP out of financial reform talks," http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0410/35800.html, 4/14/2010

[3] Message board for [2], http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0410/35800.html#commentsform, first 20 comments

Hope's for Whiners!

Neve Glacier and Snowfield Peak, courtesy of the US Geological Survey. Public Domain

There's something about the traditional name for the Saturday before Easter that kind of gets on my nerves.

I always hear people talk about HOPE, as if it's some kind of penultimate important good. Usually these people think of themselves as victims, people who believe that there hope has been stripped of them by somebody else, people who believe that unless someone else gives them their change back, they won't be able to make enough money to eat. But WHY????

And further, even if we are hopeless, helpless and hapless, (. thank You, the Holy Spirit, for language, thank You for poetry, thank You for song and thank You for beauty and feeling. Amen.) why not just keep breathing and look down the road, and appreciate all the little things in your life? Why don't we take things one step at a time, not looking back, and not really looking forward either? Why don't we just accept those who are before us, and the task and work that is in front of us, and understand that no matter what is done to us, we still have the CHOICE to make the best of it. Further, without hardship, trial and, yes, suffering, you would never grow, you would never learn, you would never become strong and learn the pride and joy that comes from strength, and you could not truly have life. And without goals of YOUR OWN that you've made for YOURSELF to do YOURSELF, you eliminate the best kind!

For me, Easter is not really about Hope, it's about Love. A loving, beautiful God who, not even asking about the cost, took from our shoulders the only thing that could truly break us, the only thing that we have no choice over, the only thing that we CANNOT overcome on our own. The thing that, by it's very definition, is outside of our control. Death, and the imperfection that, by every angle and understanding be it biological, moral or otherwise, caused it. Through Christ, all of us can truly live.

Titian, Ancona Crucifixtion, 1558

Three Cheers for the Huffington Post!

First of all, we would like to thank the Huffington Post for so successfully scamming so many dozens of liberals of large amounts of their money. With less money to use for all purposes, they will be having less fun, and may perhaps be unable to send their kids to college in the near future, leading to more right-leaning university campuses. In addition, it reminds us once again which animal the Democrats picked as their symbol, and advances the cause of Social Darwinism through starvation.

Second, we would like to thank the Huffington Post for being extremely preoccupied with Glenn Beck. Not only does it make the fellow seem more important then he is, but it wastes large amounts of liberal time that could instead be devoted to rational arguments, political activism, or eventually learning to be Republicans. Then again, we would say time with family, but the extremely high levels of support for Abortion seem to indicate that Social Darwinism will score our finally victory for us! Haazaa!

Third, we would like to thank the Huffington Post for not paying their writers. It makes me feel great to know I am not the only unpaid blogger on the internet. I can just think of all the 1000's of writers that Arianna Huffington refuses to pay every day over my coffee, and go, "Ahhhh!!!!" It just makes me feel warm inside. Plus, I know that with the extensive hours they work rather then lazy bums like me who hardly ever update the site, they'll probably STARVE to death from too few paid workhours anyways! MORE SOCIAL DARWINISM!

So Hip-Hip-Hooray for the Huffington Post, Darwinian defeater of the Democrat Party! Haazaa!

(I'm not totally sure why I wrote this, but it's fun.)

Darwin Caricature from London Sketchbook 1874, by Faustin Betbeder. Copyright Expired

A few thoughts for the day

My friend Marty, of "Out of Context", writes aphorisms. This day has really made me think about my life and who I am, and I just wanted to take a moment to write down a few small thoughts for the day:

Be gracious, and your friends will be many.

Sometimes we wonder why, but when you live with a good heart and a head of honor, you know why you're here.

Hard work improves YOU, every part of you, while sloth rots you inside.

Troubles and trials are man's moment to conquer and exploit, justly.

The beauty of the world is another statement of God's love for us. When you don't see God with you, look out at the moon, and let still peace fill your heart. Or look out at the mountains, and let yourself be strengthened by their strength. For all this has been made for you and others like you.

With questions come answers.

With heroism comes stories.

With favors and decency, come respect and love.

With greed, comes the consumption of the self.

With envy, the person is lost.

With needless violence, relationships are made brittle, and the respect is moved by the blind.

With lies, reality is lost, and the world becomes the most terrifying of abominations, a twisted knot of human machinery tearing slowly to the vilest corruptions and indecencies, with clocks showing wrong times, beauty burned to nothing, free horses chained to the weak, wrong becoming right, and man himself as fine-cut meats for the hungry shadows.

With respect of others, you see the beauty in people, and the world lights up before your eyes.

With respect of the world, everything is sacred and right.

When you revere your parents, you really honor yourself.

Marty could top these any day, and I know this isn't what I normally write about, but these are just a few thoughts of mine that seem to be flowing out of my heart.