Showing posts with label Rednecks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rednecks. Show all posts

Monday, January 31, 2011

Out West Newspaper

WyrdLight-McCallum www.wyrdlight.eu, license: c.c.a.s.a 2.5-gen

Have you ever wondered where to buy a wooden Indian? Do you want to know how the border between US and Canada was made, or what crazy German (hint) thought of it? Do you like puns made by extremely cheesy Western small business owners? Is your mind dirty with jokes about outhouses? Do you just love photographs of wide open roads?

If so, have we got a treat for you! "Out West was a quarterly "on-the-road" newspaper founded in 1987 by roving editor/reporter Chuck Woodbury, who spent much of the following 13 years exploring the two-lane highways of the American West in an RV searching for stories about whatever he found interesting." No longer published, having printed its last issue in 2000 with a final subscription base of 10,000, this gem of the open road is now almost totally available online for free, along with links to resources about RV's, RV camps, a bookstore in an RV, and lots of crazy odd pictures that once showed up in the magazine.

I found this magazine by mistake when searching for a good short history of the Pig War, the almost conflict (in some ways analogous to what is currently happening in Egypt, but a bit more toned down) that ended with Kaiser Wilheim I proclaiming an official, general, easily recognizable border between America and British possessions in North America. In finding it, the pictures and content immediately made me miss home, and the wide open spaces of Washington State along with the humor and charm of its people. In particular, no where else in the world would a electric company put up a sign saying:

"Let us remove your shorts"

Or would you find a business that specializes in shipping Wooden Indians!

The eccentricities and hopeful love that the writer, Chuck Woodbury, showcased are great attributes of the great land called simply the West, and though many people have cried and sung about its passing away, really, it's still there. It's changed a bit, the industries and jobs are different, and in a few places open space has been lost, but overall, the West is still live and well.

We'd recommend this great old paper to anyone!

Chuck Woodbury still runs a blog of short, about bi-monthly posts out of rvtravel.com. Our Prayers are with him over recent loss, and that he may stay as lively and curious as he has always been and, with promise, will always be. He still travels and lives life with wonder as he did in his Out West Newspaper days.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Gospel of Joseph Stalin, Episode 1: Lazarus and Obama

Secretary General and Loving Father Stalin, who only sends those who really need it to Siberia to be worked to death. Photo taken by CCCP, public domain for all good comrades. Here


"There was once a very succesful politician who feasted sumptuously on the contributions of political lobbyists everyday. Outside his door was a politically hated Leper named the Republican Party. The Leper was very sick, and had nothing to eat in years since he was deemed unclean by the entire population of the world 4 years ago.

"Everyday he waited outside of the succesful politicians doors, asking only for the scraps given to the Europeans and Iranians. Worse, the Europeans and Iranians, after eating said scraps, licked his sores and called him a nitwit. Later that year, he caught a terrible case of Teaitis, and passed away. Teaitis is contagious, and so the succesful politician caught it too, along with a bunch of Illegal Immigrants in Arizona, and was laid to rest in a healthcare plan.

"The Leper was carried to the bosom of Sarah Palin, to a supremely comfortable midterm election with lots of lobbyists to provide them with everything they want, even Learjets! Meanwhile, the succesful poltician was burned over and over again in Political Hell by his own Death Panels. He cried out "Mother Palin, have mercy on me! Come send the Lazarus person with a large batch of Earl Grey to put out these flames all over me and make me think I still have Arugula money!"

"But Mother Palin replied, "Son, you had nothing but good things a couple Novembers ago, while he had nothing but bad, but beyond that, we would love to help you Dem man, but a great Gulf of Mexico has been fixed between us, so that anyone who goes there is considered an asshole, and anyone who comes here is considered a paranoid freak who most assuredly is far too paranoid and radical to do anything irresponsible with free money, I mean, campaign funds."

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Why the Confederate Flag?

Civil War Monument and Cemetery in Owingsville, KY. Attribution conditional Fair Use license by C. Bedford Crenshaw

You look out at the great sacrifices of the past, those who have come, fought and died for family, land and what they valued, for the old and the young, giving their lives when they had barely begun for a home they would never see again, entire generations massacred, their blood trampled in the wine press. Proud flags flying high over the hills, strong spirits screaming loud through the valleys, young men in their prime, following orders from generals who drive up death tolls because they don't understand that the protective formations they were taught so long ago are killing their men in greater numbers now. Deaths by the thousands, thousands of unique individuals destroyed from the earth, cast to the uncertainty of the cold grave with bullets in their chest, broken bones, agonizing infections and tears of terror and rivers of blood dripping down their face as they look up in to the eternal sky for their final moments on Earth.

It's no wonder that such a thing would leave an imprint on a people. And it's no surprise that those who lived took back both horror and pride at their ordeal and their survival. It is true that it has not been forgotten, though it is untrue that people are bitter - that's something Yankees like to think. But there is a proud rivalry, and like it or not, people down here think of themselves as American AND Southern at equal levels.

It is true that to some people find the Confederate Battle Flag offensive. It is also true that it stands for many things to many people.

To me, this symbol stands for the following: standing up for yourself, especially local vs. national, the cultures of the Southeastern United States, both refined and otherwise, rebellion from oppression, and standing up for the weak against the moneyed interest of Northern Industrialists, and a better, more honest America. There are two groups of people who object tot this symbol.

Addressing the first group: This symbol also stands for History, and who Southerners are as a people, and that's where I think some people, though they do not realize the source, object to it. Some people would erase the past. This is especially common among the white, educated wealthy Southerner who doesn't want to be associated with redneck land, slavery and past abuses. They would take all the pain, all the death, the agony, the abuses, and throw it out, but they don't realize it runs in their blood, and they don't realize that it's a complete package. You can't have a past and have no pain, you can't have a future and have no values, and values are rooted in the past as they have to be. You can't stand for something - and destroy yourself so someone doesn't get angry at you or feel hurt.

Some people would lie, and demand that others do so. The minute they here a criticism, an idea they don't like, they demand an apology, surrounding themselves with yes men. They demand conformity, comfort, and what isn't theirs. They don't care what's inside the dish, they never did and never will. To them, there's no value to anything that can't be seen and therefore doesn't touch their petty hearts. As we lie and lie and lie, our enemies become clouded in fog, our up becomes down, our down becomes up, our anger becomes passive aggression, divisions become permaneant as people are too afraid to express them, and they pass them on to their children and their friends to express themselves the only way they can. Lawfulness becomes a joke, and the individual becomes condemned to a spiral of delusion, deceit, and paranoid back watching.

But there's one other group, those who have memories of their own, and those who believe they are standing up for them. These memories are sad, and true, and I deeply regret what has happened to those people. But to allow these racial terrorists to steal symbols that stand for the South, good and bad, is to let them win. See, to let them steal our values, our past, our lives from us by the inevitable rubbing out that accompanies this silencing is to ennoble them, to promote them, to give them free space in our hearts and minds, in our memories and in our soul. You take the symbols, the analogies, the stories, the way of living, and you push it out of public sight, along with those who still cherish it lovingly delivered to Satan for his evil use. It is to give them, our Satan, Southern history, to give them Southern culture, to give them the South, along with many of the people who reside in it.

You can't destroy everything just because of a flaw, for if you did, the fires would burn the entire Earth to ashes, for there is nothing that is flawless on Earth. There is still a lot that is beautiful about the South: the millitary tradition, the sense of honor, the hospitality, the delicate style and refinement of Southern art, architecture and design, an extremely open society that includes people much more readily then it excludes them, the sense of history and the deeper side of life, and a quiet stubborn strength that will not submit to anyone, under any conditions, often to the aggravation of Dixieland itself!

Those whose character is destroyed have no values, no roots, no sense of history or depth, no idea of who they are. Maybe they can discover it, but that takes years, years wasted, years lost, years never seen again. Why waste the youth of our children over pettiness? Especially since they may well turn out exactly like we did anyways.

We can't just abandon our past. It is part of us, and we are a product of our past more then anything else. The Confederate Flag will continue to be the standard of this website, for now and the future to come, exactly because I hope to promote its use as a symbol of the South and Culture in general.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The American Rifle

Copyright Wikimedia User Hmaag, GNU License 1.2

From the edays of settlement, resisting indians, and hunting wild turkey, the firearm has had a place in the American heart. With the gun comes warriordom; you are a fighter to be reckoned with as long as you have a gun in your hand.

For some people, this means defending against oppresive governments or foreign invaders, for others it means hunting and providing for their family in the way that nature made us too, for still others it is a defense against criminals and protecting your property. For a few very wicked souls, it means inflicting your evil on others.

Firearms crimes are often cited by gun critics as a reason to ban or phase out or limit gun ownership. There are several weakpoints in their argument: 1) criminals don't obey the law, 2) few criminals want to die or face a chance of death, and 3) statistically, even if you will only nail your bandit 20% of the time, and he nails you the other 80, you, as a law-abiding citizen, still have the advantage, because he must steal almost every day, and most American citizens will probably only be robbed maybe once in their lifetime. Even those who have it the worse will hardly face it everyday.

Also, in Europe the nation with the highest gun ownership rate, Switzerland, a nation where even millitary rifles are legal for most men and there is a holiday to celebrate their gun ownership tradition, has the lowest crime rate.

America is a violent country, and always has been, and will be for quite some time. This is not entirely a bad thing. That natural spunk and energy has made us a mighty force throughout the entire world with our innovation, curiosity, rebellion, activism, entrepreneurship and many other products of that same bloody mind - we are a Sanguine country, hear us roar. But it is true that, no matter what we do, our crime rates will always be higher then Englands, as that freedom of mind makes us prone to both good and evil.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Good Redneck Parents Movie List

You know, whether it's my own post on "Redneck America" or the country classic "What the World needs now is a few more rednecks," or any other piece protesting the deredneckification of America, I've come to realize, it's really very silly. See, we just sit around complaining about something that is happening around us, maybe earning a little coin on the side, and we aren't doing anything about it. So, enough talk, let's talk about how you raise em' right.

This list of motion pictures, complete with accessory of popcorn, is perfect for redneckifying your little ones (these films being quality, the moonshine is strictly optional):

- "Second Hand Lions" (McCanlies, 2003)
- "Serenity" (Whedon, 2005)
- "The Lady Vanishes" (Hitchcock, 1938)
- "The Quiet Man" (Ford, 1952)
- "The Longest Day" (Annakin, 1962)
- "Gettysburg" (Maxwell, 1993)
- "Gods and Generals" (Maxwell, 2003, Prequel to Gettysburg)
- "How the West was Won" (Ford et al., 1962)
- "Sweet Home Alabama" (Tennant, 2002)
- "High Noon" (Zinneman, 1952)
- "Death to Smoochy" (DeVito, 2002)
- "Deliverance" (Boorman, 1972)
- "Tora! Tora! Tora!" (Masuda, Fukasaku, Fleischer, 1970)
- "Troop Beverly Hills" (Kanew, 1989)
- "October Sky" (Johnston, 1999)
- "We are Marshall" (McG, 2006)
- "Smoke Signals" (Eyre, 1998)

These you may wish to show when they're a little older:

- "Rocky Horror Picture Show" (Sharman, 1975)
- "The Patriot" (Emmerich, 2000)
- "The Birds" (Hitchcock, 1963)
- "Brokeback Mountain" (Lee, 2005)
- "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" (Forman, 1975)
- "A Clockwork Orange" (Kubrick, 1971)
- "Dr. Strangelove" (Kubrick, 1964)

If anyone else has any suggestions, say them.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Redneck America

On the East Coast, the North doesn't see anything but what is near them and the South mistakenly thinks that the Redneck culture makes them unique. Yet as a man who has travelled across America I can tell you that if there was one group of people who really represent this country, it is the good ole fashioned, confederate-flag-waving, bootleg-drinking, gun-shooting American redneck. Whether you're in Jersey Devil Territory, the Appalachians of Tennessee, Central California, most of Washington State, Idaho, Wisconsin, Michigan, the redneck is there still shooting his shotgun from his porch, thumping his bible and cussing out the decadent, apathetic, pseudoeducated world that condescends him.

No matter how much reminder we get, be it the successful populist campaigns of Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton, the prominent featuring of Northeastern rednecks in Hollywood classic "Harold & Kumar," or the simple fact that West Texas & Oklahoma are not actually part of the South (sorry buds), we seem to forget that they really are all around us and how much power they really have. This isn't a new thing, I heard from my father that even in the American Revolution such tendencies existed, but as an automotive culture I think we have less of an excuse, as the redneck really is the spirit of America.

He rejects authority, he always tries his best, he has honor, keeps his word and doesn't accept what isn't his, he's creative and doesn't allow class distinctions to distort his mind, he fights for what's right and is a good companion on the battlefield, and though he has no qualms about offending, he is also prone to exceptional kindness, like a couple I knew on a flight where I was nervous about the way the plane was turning and they shared some Jack & Coke with me. She too, she's a strong lady, not an imaginary hurtful feminist who believes that by destroying others she can be relevant, but true strength, strength that is gentle but doesn't submit, that gives what is right and keeps what is wrong, that has dignity and sees that others have such too, and stands by her family and all that she works so hard for.

Now that's not to say Redneck America doesn't have it's flaws - no place will ever be perfect, and indeed that same lack of authority and genuineness that makes it such a special place also makes it very hard to deal with bad apples who throw blacks out of mountain towns and incite violence, but if Redneck America is lost, all that America has to give the world, and all the sacrifices, all the blood, all the vision, all the genius and real inspiration, from California to Alaska to the mighty Rockies to the Kansas Prairie to the Hard-whiskey Appalachians will have been lost and we will be succeeded by a nation of suckers, utopians, and sycophants. Republicans will compare it to France and the USSR, but we will not even be as good as those, as at least they had histories, genius and visions of their own. We would never invent an AK-47 -- or French Cooking. Actually, the rednecks made our cooking and music too.


P.S. The article on Meg Whitman will be held until next week as I am awaiting permission to use a photograph. In the meantime, I will post on many of the other topics, or topics similar to them, I discussed in the last post.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Cowboys and Indiankillers

The Western United States has a split personality. The film that exemplifies what I'm talking about is Serenity. In that movie, Earth, too overpopulated to sustain those on it, is left by large numbers of settlers for a new solar system. The Inner Planets form a totalitarian Interplanetary Alliance, while the Outer Planets remain essentially freewheeling and libertine. I guess you could compare the first set to:

- Washington State: Where the City of Seattle has a bottomless supply of schemes to force (notice I didn't say encourage) people out of automobiles.
- California: Where at one point they were attempting to make homeschooling illegal.
- Oregon: I'm not quite sure exactly what they are doing but this state gives me the creeps. --Austin, TX/Denver, CO: the twin towers of Southwestern-style doom, which watch the West Coast in admiration and are emulating them.

While the second set would be more comparable to Montana, Eastern Washington/Eastside of Seattle, Wyoming, Colorado, West Texas, Idaho, Nevada.

Really, it comes down to the people who created the West. On one hand, you had the corporate men, the government, the cavalry, the people who came more for money or power then freedom, land, or a simple life, and they attached themselves to high convoluted ideas like, Manifest Destiny, and if you and yours didn't fit in to their little vision, you had better get out of town because they would find you and kill you, just as they did with the Indians. They wanted to make Europe, wanted to make a grand civilization, and then they started Starbucks. They may be city people, and they may act effeminate and drink Lattes, but don't let that fool you, they are mean nasty dudes. If the gangs in Philly saw these guys riding over the ridge, they'd wimper, they'd cry, they'd quake in their boots and they'd get out of town immediately, and to their credit, some of the cities with this mentality (like Seattle) have low crime rates.

Now, in this day and age, they don't really kill people much - maybe they softened up a little, or maybe they just know that now lawman has arrived, you can't get away with that kind of BS anymore. But that doesn't mean they don't still want Eurotopia. They build mass-transit systems, and then insist people ride them, as if the people are for the train, and not the train for the people. And if you don't listen, they throw a $6 toll on the bridge from your town in to the city, and if you still don't listen, they restrict parking and shut down all garages beyond a certain size. And in California, to get their little slice of heaven, they take a useful industrial town and use a wacky combination of environmental activism, population limits, and bizarre byzantine regulation to push all useful business out of the town and make it in to a Hacienda for the rich and glamorous - it's called Santa Barbara.

But then theirs the other western mentality, the one that John Wayne tried to portray on TV and was usually showcased (not very well) in the Western's. The loud, but humble, ambitious, but simple, open-minded, but honorable, lawless, but responsible, American Cowboy. He's the guy who just want's to be left alone and go on his way, and he's like the crew of Serenity. See, he wasn't the one who killed the Indians. He thought they were just folk. He wouldn't have done it, he wouldn't have seen it as right. It was all the pretty people off in LA and SF who did that dirty work, plus the law men, or contracted out the Army to do it, and even to this day they still try to rid the West of all that isn't European. One target down, so many to go.

Of course, the way Obama, and California, is going, who knows, 2012 could be their last stand! But, probably not, probably just a minor setback.... (notice I'm trying to incite an argument.)